Bye bye, Boondocks? Mayor Grimsley Fast-Tracks Country Club Vote this Monday.

By: Ducky Dale --

GRAB your polo shirts and dust off your tennis rackets, Shady Valley!

Monday night Councilwoman Grimsley is bringing a historic vote to the City Council that could finally rid our town of its most infamous eyesore: The Boondocks. If the bill passes, the entire neighborhood will be demolished to make way for the expansion of Shady Valley Country Club's new 18 holes and clubhouse expansion.

Mayor Grimsley conducts her city council meetings with authority

Out with the Old, In with the Elite

According to a leaked draft speech from the Councilwoman's office, the current trailer park and gravel roads of The Boondocks will be replaced by a pristine 18-hole golf course, three clay tennis courts, and a fountain that sprays Perrier.

"We are ushering Shady Valley into an era of high fashion and higher property values," Grimsley stated while wearing a very expensive silk ascot. "Frankly, neon windbreakers and neon golf balls are the future. The Boondocks simply doesn't fit our new aesthetic."

A Slight Hitch: The Current Residents

There is, of course, one tiny detail the City Council has to iron out. If the vote passes on Monday, every single family currently living in The Boondocks will be immediately evicted from their homes to clear room for the bulldozer fleet.

When asked where the neighborhood's low-income families are supposed to live after next week, Principal Crowley seemed distracted. "Where will they live? Seems like a 'them' problem," he said while reviewing what looked like olds maps of the area from the time of Shady Valley's founding.

Students React

The student body at Shady Valley High is deeply divided on the upcoming demolition. T.C. (Senior): "Honestly, totally radical. My dad already bought us a charter membership. I can’t wait to eat shrimp cocktails on the graves of those old trailer parks." Immediately following that comment, O.Z (Senior) said "You just bought a charter membership to this," and punched T.C. in the face, earning yet another detention.

The fateful vote takes place this Monday at 7:00 PM at City Hall. Residents of The Boondocks are invited to attend, though Councilwoman Grimsley noted that a strict "collared shirts only" dress code will be enforced at the door.